I have spent the past 5 years working towards something. I have spent 1175 hours in training, taught over 1500 classes, led 5 teacher trainings and dozens of workshops and short programs. So what was I working towards? At the end of the day, I do not know that I ever really knew. I knew that I loved what I was doing, that it was changing my life and that it was what I was meant to do, yet I could never really put into words what I was doing it for. And, that is perfect! It is perfect because I was never disappointed with what I got. I was surprised. Sometimes joyous, sometimes upset and often confused, but never disappointed. And at the end of it all what I got was a new beginning. And a new awareness of exactly who I am choosing to be without me as a person changing at all.
Yes, after 5 years and hours and hours of time and effort, what I now know is that I am aware of what is around me, what I am doing and what I have always done. In essence, nothing has changed while everything is different. I see what I have never been able to see before and am beyond curious to see what comes up moving forward. I have given up fear, sadness, anger, resentment, the concern for looking good, people pleasing over and over and over again. And in all that giving up what was really in my way was the "figuring out" of what to give up. The thinking and figuring and working it all out. The trying to make sense of it all and explaining and justifying of it all. It is exhausting!
So what did I learn from it all? What did I get? I got FREEDOM. The freedom in I do not know. The freedom in nothing is wrong and nothing needs to be fixed. The freedom in that I do not need to DO anything. All I need is to be with, be with what is so and what is happening right in front of me. To not figure it out, fix it, or do anything, just show up and choose who I will be. And then what happens will happen, a new moment will arrive and I get to be with all over again.