It has been a while since I sat down and put anything down on paper, but I have been blogging every day in my head for the past month. When I consider writing, I suddenly feel stuck. Even now, I am typing in Word versus directly into my blog. I have been feeling foggy and uncertain around my words. There are a lot of things swirling around, all good things but seemingly difficult to sort out. What I have discovered, is that it is ok!
It is ok that I do not understand what I am thinking or what is happening right now. It is ok that everything is just a little unclear and yet I keep moving forward. It is ok that it is all messy right now. And once I got clear that it is ok, I realized I feel really good in messy and unclear. It is exciting. It leaves me open to discover little things about myself every day. Messy and unclear is new, thus something new can arise out of it. For the longest time whenever I was unsure of what was going on, unsure of a timeline around my life and unsure of what might happen, I tirelessly worked to figure it out. To make something happen. To find out what was making me feel this way and fix it. To come up with an answer. Guess what, with every answer or false sense of clarity also came another moment of unclarity, another unexpected situation, another something to work out. In reality, I was stuck on the same hamster real of “working my life out.” And that is exhausting!
So where can you just arrive in nothing more than “it is ok”. Give up arriving in “this is exactly what is wrong”, “I now understand”, “I need to be fixed”, etc etc. In reality guys, arrival sucks! When you arrive, you are at your destination and the journey is over and then you just have to do more figuring out of where to go next. This is your life, the only thing that is next is death. Give it up. I don’t know about you, but I am tired of constantly going somewhere next and am grateful and very content to be in the process of my life right now, as it is. With only growth and yet with no arrival in site.