We experience so many emotions in our lifetime, sadness, joy, frustration, hope, fear, happiness and so on. There is one emotion that I feel leaves us in our most confused state - HURT. For me, hurt feels completely raw. It feels like my insides are churning and that my mind is running in circles. I believe the circles occur because I spend time trying to identify what I am feeling and in that I go through sadness, anger, frustration and so much more. I work hard to identify what I am feeling, talk myself in and out of so many different things, and then I land in hurt. Something I desperately try to avoid.
Hurt is a funny thing. I feel that we are willing to feel all other emotions and acknowledge them, expect for hurt. For me, as soon as I identify that hurt is present, shame and guilt usually follow. If you think about it, we would do anything to not hurt our loved ones, to do anything to protect them and so when we ourselves feel hurt, we feel like failures. As soon as I feel hurt, I know I have "done it again". I always ask myself, "how did I let this happen again, how am I back at this place." It is as if I am not doing my job of protecting myself, so I must have done something wrong in order to be hurt, yet again.
I am right now sitting in hurt. I feel it in my bones. I want to run, I want to kick and scream, I want to make it different. I fight hurt more than any other emotion, it is the one that makes me feel and act like a crazy person. It is the one that I truly do not want to exist in my life. When I feel hurt, I feel helpless and hopeless. Hurt sucks and it makes me mad!
And, if I did not experience hurt I would be concerned. I have learned that deep down, gut wrenching hurt does not happen unless you also loved with all your heart and put yourself out there. That I am NOT willing to give up. If hurt feels this bad, then my joy and love feels that good. I also know that it will pass and it must pass through me in order for it do go away. So I will stay, I will wait and I will have joy and love again and that experience will keep me moving through this journey of emotion, this journey of life.