(Originally posted on June 5, 2016.)
My 1st Teacher Training.
In 2012 I enrolled in my first Yoga training program. In 2014 I enrolled in my 2nd Yoga training program. In 2015 I completed a week long training with my teacher Baron Baptiste. But these are not the trainings I am writing about today. On June 12th, 2016 I will graduate my first group of yogis from Moonshine’s 1st program – a training that I created, facilitated and led.
I decided to call our program “Personal Transformation and Teacher Training.” As I was putting it together, I knew I wanted each person on this team to tap into their personal power and to discover their most powerful way of being, being able to teach a yoga class was a bonus! What I did not expect were the powerful lessons that I learned. What each of these yogis had to teach me!
Lets be honest, it was not all smiles and hugs. There were so many times in which I felt overwhelmingly ALONE. There were even more times in which I often thought “am I even helping, did I get it all wrong”. I beat myself up so many times over the past 5 months, questioning lots of decisions. I can recall so many conversations in which I stood in my True North, spoke with confidence and power, only later to sulk away in tears wondering if I was “right”. This was my first time being on the “other side” of this process, this process that we call THE WORK in Power Yoga. And so I entered this process from that perspective, which was an expectation for the process that failed me. I quickly learned that no matter what side you are on, we are ALL doing the WORK all the time. The process never stops. We are all in this together, not one person on one side and everyone else on the other side.
It was those sides that led me to feeling ALONE in the process. Immediately after the first weekend of training, my “partner” was unable to continue to lead the program with me and thus this alone feeling was setup – one that I chose to move from for a long time. It took a few weeks for me to wake up and see that it was a feeling I was creating because of the sides I had setup. In fact, I had 9 people in front of me eager to BE WITH me if I allowed them to. The 9 amazing people in front of me on a regular basis each had something to teach me, when I allowed the student in me to come out.
The past 5 months have also been filled with feelings of joy, love, and gratitude. There were lots of tears and lots of laughter – often leading to tears. There were highs and lows. There were feelings of frustration and anger, but even stronger feelings of wow and holy shit!!!! I love the work we do, and it is not always easy. But the payoff is bigger than life and I do believe that a transformation occurred for everyone – especially for me. I did not know that I could fall in love with so many people at once, but I did. When I fall hard like that, I care and I care big. For me, when I care and love hard, in reaction mode those feelings manifest full of frustration and I can be very hard on people. I can only hope and move towards manifesting those feelings from a place of joy, compassion and gratitude and hope that people will see that and forgive me when I am not at my best.
What I have re-learned and was reminded of – we are all each other’s teachers and most importantly, we ourselves are our best teachers. The feelings that come up through a difficult, amazing, messy, loving and joyful process are just that – feelings. What we make of them is on us. How we choose to “BE” is on us. What we choose to create can be powerful, and it is more powerful when you ask people to come along with you for the ride.
Marisa, Polina, Brooke, Mairead, Katie, Jana, Angelique, Sarah, Erin – thank you for the ride!!!
Laurie, Jess, Travis and Lia – thank you for backseat driving when I needed help!
Love always - G